Thursday, February 28, 2019
Why does your dog follow you around everywhere? Experts explain
How to Change Your Life: 10 Ways To Live Your Best Life
Searching for how to change your life? Change is inevitable and we all face life-changing decisions at some point.
“Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.” – Jim Rohn
Change is so many things. It’s scary, exciting, and unpredictable, but most of all its necessary. Think back on your life and your routine 20 years ago.
What was the most important thing in your world then? Who did you hang out with? What was your favorite restaurant? Are any of those things the same as they are today? I doubt it!
You’re a different person now, and in 10 years you’ll have different answers than you would today. But as we get older, we tend to be more resistant to change. We get set in our ways, our routines, and unintentionally close ourselves off from new experiences that can improve our lives.
Below are 10 ideas on how to change your life for the better. Discover how to bring positive change into your life.
How to change your life in 10 Ways
Shift to a Positive and Plentiful Mindset
Your mindset filters how you view your world, what you see and how you interpret every situation. If you have a negative, closed mindset you’re instantly cutting yourself off from opportunities on the horizon because you can’t see past the negative.
You attract what you put out there, and to welcome positive change into your life, you first need to believe it’s possible. You may have heard the quote, “whether you believe you can or can’t, you’re right.”
First, start recognizing where your current mindset is leading you. For example, when you’re presented with a new project at work, do you dwell on the myriad of things that could go wrong? Are you caught up in how hard this project could be?
Do you lack self-confidence? Instead, try thinking of just one way this could positively impact your life. You could learn a new skill set, make a new contact, or be trusted with larger projects.
Changing your mindset won’t happen instantly, but tuning in to how you interpret your surroundings and working towards seeing bigger and better outcomes will pave the way for positive changes in your life!
Here are 10 Signs It’s Time To Change Your Mindset.
Find a Mentor
When I changed careers, I reached out to a female coach who worked with women clients just like I aimed to do. She was nice enough to meet me for coffee and let me ask her questions about getting into the wellness business and has become a mentor to me ever since.
Whether you work with a mentor for your career, relationships, wellness or just life in general, your life is guaranteed to change for the better.
A mentor has been in your shoes and is empathetic to what you’re going through. They can shed light on things you’ve closed off – consciously or subconsciously – and guide you through changes you may not know how to navigate.
Here are a few sites to get you started:
Business Mentoring: Score.org (FREE small business mentoring)
Life Coaching: Beautiful You Coaching Academy
Career Coaching: TheMuse.com
If you’re looking for health coaching, I would love to work with you! Sjkfitness.com
Cut Out Toxic Friends
We all have those friends who we’ve been friends with “for-ev-er”. Often, these are wonderfully fulfilling relationships, but have you ever wondered if you met them for the first time today if you’d be compatible?
Old or new, toxic friendships can bring you down and limit your potential for positive change. It can be hard to cut ties, but here are a few ways to create room in your life for healthier friendships:
- If you’re feeling assertive: Let your pal know what’s bothering you. Her response—and actions—will tell you if it’s time to move along.
- If you’re feeling passive: Pull back, make fewer plans, be polite but not overly friendly. (In other words, don’t be dishonest.)
- Either way: Cultivate new friends who make you feel enriched, enlivened and embraced, because that is what good friendships do.
Learn Something New
As children, basically everything we do is new. We are constantly learning new skills, and aren’t surprised when we encounter something we do not know. When you’re an adult, you tend to stick with what you know. Unless required, it’s just easier to go along with what you’re good at because the risk of failure is low.
However, when we open ourselves to learning something new, we’re presented with aspects of ourselves we either didn’t know or forgot as we grew up. This creates space for change by laying out possibilities for our life we didn’t know existed!
I took tap classes as a kid and recently found a studio in my neighborhood that offered beginner adult tap. It was strange learning as a beginner, something I used to be very proficient at, but I am loving it! It reopened this area of my life I forgot I enjoyed, I have a new hobby and am meeting neighbors I wouldn’t have before.
Starting as a beginner can be intimidating. Click here for tips on how to approach it with love.
Create a “Bucket List”…of Sorts
Many people have things on their “bucket list” of what they’d like to do in their lifetime. This is great in theory, but in reality, these dreams are often so big and their timeline unknown, that it’s easy to never actually do them.
By creating more realistic and time-sensitive lists, you’re much more likely to accomplish these new things you’d like to do, and will inevitably bring change to your life.
An example I see often is a list tied to a birthday; “40 things to do before I’m 40”, or “30 things I will try in my 30th year”. These can be small, “host a dinner party”, or big, “travel out of the country”, it’s up to you!
My list is in the making, but the idea is to get my husband and I out of our usual haunts. We live in Chicago which is known for its plethora of unique neighborhoods, yet we head to the same areas and establishments nearly every weekend.
I’m currently making a list of different neighborhoods we haven’t been to, and picking a specific thing to do – check out a certain bar, order a “famous” dish at a restaurant, see a show, etc. – so we have a plan.
It’s summer so we can bike which lets us see more of the city we have called home for over 8 years! My hope is to have a whole new list of “go-to” streets and restaurants.
Make a New Friend
When you’re young, it’s easy and natural to make new friends. Even in high school and college, it doesn’t take much effort as everyone around you is generally the same age and living in the same environment. As an adult, things are different. It takes more effort and can be a little awkward at first!
Making new friends is essential for growth and change as you’ll be connected to new groups of people who could change your perspective on anything and everything. Not sure how to navigate the world of adult friendships? Check out these 5 methods and become a pro!
Change Your Routine
I am admittedly a creature of habit. I love my routines and even after a wonderful vacation, have a sense of longing to “get back to normal”.
In many ways this works well; it lessens the number of decisions to make which has been shown to reduce stress, and it helps me plan my day with ease. But routine often leads to a rut, and that is no way to foster change!
The good news for those who are comforted by routine is that you don’t have to drastically alter everything to welcome change in your life.
Trying a new place for your morning coffee, taking a different route home from work, or switching up what you do for a workout are all small changes that can give you a fresh perspective on your day.
For a few morning ritual ideas you can use to shake things up, check out this post!
Find Your Passion
Before becoming a health coach, Sunday nights were rough. I didn’t look forward to my job and it finally got to where I couldn’t ignore my feeling of guilt for staying in a job my heart wasn’t fully in.
I couldn’t stomach spending my life doing something I wasn’t excited about. This discord was affecting my mood and, in turn, my life. But, what could I do? I needed a change but had no idea where to turn.
So, I started reexamining what brought joy to my life and when I felt my truest self. Finding your passion isn’t as easy as it seems it should be, but once you find something that you not only enjoy, but have a knack for, your world opens up with different paths you didn’t see before.
Even if you don’t feel the need to change careers, finding your passion through hobbies and volunteer work will indeed change your life. Need help discovering your inner light?
Here is a list of 7 podcasts to get the creative ball rolling! Think you’re on to something? Check out these 3 ways to determine if you’ve hit the passion jackpot.
Go With The (Creative) Flow
Have you ever been so into a project – cooking, reading, writing, puzzling, etc. – that an hour slips by without notice? That is known as a state of flow. Getting into a creative flow has similar effects on the brain as meditation in that it reduces stress, lowers blood pressure and produces dopamine – a natural antidepressant.
“That’s great!”, you’re thinking, “but how does this change my life?” When you flex your creativity muscles, you expose yourself to new experiences and this openness allows your mind to wander and seek out more new avenues to explore.
Think you aren’t the creative type? Check out these secret ways of highly creative people and get your creative juices flowing!
Argue For Change
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein.
If you wish to welcome change into your life, you’re going to need to do something different. This sounds obvious, but knowing what to change is where many of us get stuck, hoping that if we keep chugging along, things will improve on their own.
We also fear the work that goes into change, and with unknown challenges on the horizon, it can seem more comfortable to stay where we are. What helps many of my clients is making a pro and con list. For example, if you’re unhappy with how often your family orders in during the week, but haven’t been able to get yourself to cook more often, your list could look like this:
Changing behavior:
Pro’s – eat healthier, save money, learn a new skill, could be a family activity, less guilt
Con’s – need to learn more cooking skills, more planning
By forcing yourself to think of how staying the same or how to change your life will impact you, you’re likely to discover what you thought was scary, is really going to be worth it in the end.
The more often you change behaviors and routines, the more readily you jump at change. Start small and learn how you approach and accept changes in your life. Here are 8 small lifestyle changes to consider!
The post How to Change Your Life: 10 Ways To Live Your Best Life appeared first on Everyday Power.
Wednesday, February 27, 2019
Pregnant mom can’t make it to hospital so 10-year-old bravely steps forward and says ‘Tell Me What To Do’
Chunky bulldog steals hearts at dog show – goes viral with his impressive agility performance
Experts say: ‘People over 40 should only work 3 days a week’
Experts say: People over 40 should only work 3 days a week
Working five days a week? Study says people over 40 should only work 3 days a week
7 Signs of Narcissistic Abuse from Your Partner
Learn to spot the signs of narcissistic abuse before it takes full control of you.
No doubt you’ve heard about narcissism or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is considered a long-standing personality pattern, difficult to change—mostly because persons with those traits don’t believe they have a problem.
The most obvious signs of the disorder include a grandiose sense of self-importance, difficulty empathizing with others, a high need for flattery, jealousy, and a sense of entitlement.
But how do those qualities translate into abuse? What toxic relationship dynamics show up with a narcissist that may not show up when one’s partner is NOT narcissistic, but simply insecure or likes to be the center of attention?
Are you in a relationship with a narcissist? Are you a victim of a narcissistic partner? Watch out for this signs before it’s too late.
Here are some signs of narcissistic abuse:
1) A narcissist tries to shrink your world.
Narcissists are jealous and possessive. They have a need to control your life. Do you enjoy visiting your parents or siblings or just chatting with them on the phone? Do you like to go out with friends? Do you have a gym membership?
Narcissists will accuse you of ignoring them or your children. They will say you are putting others (or yourself) ahead of them, and that your priorities are all wrong.
To avoid an argument, you may automatically turn down invitations from others or speak to friends at limited (even secretive) times. You will limit your hobbies.
Soon your world shrinks. Then when you decide to go out with friends anyway for a special occasion, it will be taken as proof of your lack of regard for your partner.
Your choice is always to defend your rights and get into arguments or limit your involvement with others. A lose-lose.
And by the way, when you cancel your plans with friends to prove to your partner he/she is always your priority, don’t expect him/her to shower you with attention all evening. He/She will likely ignore you. If you complain about being ignored after you gave up a night out, well, that brings us to the second point of narcissistic abuse:
2) A narcissist never accepts blame.
It is always someone else’s (your) fault. The rule is simple: if you do something they dislike, you are to blame; if they do something you dislike, you are to blame for making them do it. Narcissists always have excuses for their bad behavior, whereas your bad behavior is inexcusable.
Many times, narcissists won’t even admit that their hurtful or manipulative behavior is wrong. You will be accused of being too sensitive, or you take things too personally.
But in fact, narcissists take every slight – however small – very personally. This brings us to the third point of narcissistic abuse:
3) Narcissists project all of their unfavorable qualities onto others.
They are not controlling, but you are controlling. They are never selfish or demanding, but you are. They will accuse you of lying or being secretive, when in fact they keep you in the dark about many things.
Sadly, when one is in a relationship with narcissistic abuse, the weary partner often will go behind the narcissist’s back do something they have a right to do (spend their money, visit a friend, and so forth)—just to avoid an argument. But when that secrecy is discovered, the narcissist now has more “proof” that the partner cannot be trusted, which results in even greater efforts to control their partner.
The bottom line is you can’t win with a narcissist. Which bring us to point number four:
4) Narcissists use double-standards—and they make up rules to suit their needs.
You can’t easily win an argument with a narcissist because they will NOT admit they are wrong.
So when you accuse them of having double-standards, they will always have an excuse or find a way to make you feel stupid. Their strong sense of entitlement means that rules don’t apply to them. But since they must exercise control over you, then the rules must always apply to you.
If by chance you catch them red-handed doing something you would NEVER be allowed to do, they will still make you the focus of their contempt.
There are many ways they do this. They may admit what they are doing BUT accuse you of having done it many more times. They may say you have no right to accuse them of anything, given all they have to put up with in your relationship. They may accuse you of being unforgiving or intolerant. If you bring up the incident later, they will accuse you of holding grudges.
To make it more confusing, the rules will change on a moment’s notice. Thus, you will be guilty as charged whenever it works to their advantage to make you wrong. You then start losing perspective on who is right and who is wrong; which brings us to:
5) You think you are going crazy.
Narcissists want to keep you off-balance. They want you to doubt yourself, not them. They want you to doubt your perceptions and feelings. This is one reason victims remain in an abusive relationship. They begin to believe they are seriously flawed, that others may not want them, and that the abuser is right to find fault.
Keep in mind that narcissists rarely end up with other narcissists. Instead, they find people who are willing to look inward at their own flaws rather than blame others, who try hard to be extra-fair and cooperative, who are willing to give more than they get. It is such people they can manipulate more readily.
And when the relationship leads to children or owning property together, leaving that relationship becomes even more difficult for the one being abused. This brings up to point number six:
6) If you reject a narcissist, they will seek revenge.
In psychology, it is called “narcissistic injury”: when a narcissist feels hurt, challenged, wronged, or made to look stupid. That is NOT tolerable to a person who has a grandiose sense of importance. They must get even or have the final word.
On a mild level, it can take the form of angry texts or condemning you to others. (It is true that when a narcissist can no longer control you, he will try to control what others think of you.) In more serious cases, a narcissist may try to use the children as pawns against you, or punish you financially.
The narcissist may contact you even a year after a relationship break-up. This brings us to the final point of narcissistic abuse:
7) A narcissist will reject you just so he can pull you back in and then reject you yet again.
In one example, a narcissist ended a relationship with a woman. He told her he never wanted to hear from her again. A few days later, she received a text from him. He just wanted to say hello and hoped she was doing fine. She took it as a sign they might reunite.
They agreed to meet for dinner and ended up spending the night together. The next day, he was cold and rejected and humiliated her for even thinking he might want her back.
~
There are degrees of narcissistic abuse. In milder forms, it may be a bit easier to put up with. But it is always a challenge. The best advice: be wary of being in a relationship with a narcissist.
The post 7 Signs of Narcissistic Abuse from Your Partner appeared first on Everyday Power.
Tuesday, February 26, 2019
A powerful letter from a mother to her daughter with Down syndrome: ‘This Is How Amazing You Are’
Texas girl politely holds restaurant door for elderly lady, only to hear woman’s remark and speak up
After responding to a call, a police officer played dolls with the kids
7 Reasons to Become a More Responsible Person
Are you a responsible person?
On some days, the answer may be a resounding “Yes.” On others, however, you might not be so certain.
Responsibility represents a key attribute for men, women, and children, one that is fine-tuned over an extended period of time and tested constantly.
It also can transform how you view yourself and are viewed by others, as responsibility empowers you with the ability to be accountable for your own behavior, to think critically, perform well under duress, and handle big and small tasks with ease.
As such, there are many great reasons to become a more responsible person.
Why it is good to become a more responsible person
1. You’ll be able to build strong, long-lasting relationships with others.
Want your friends and family members to believe in you? Take responsibility for your actions, and you’ll be able to reap the benefits of strong, long-lasting partnerships with others.
Remember, no one is perfect, and you likely will make mistakes at various points in your life. But those who take responsibility for their mistakes and remain accountable for their day-to-day actions can foster trust with friends and family members. And ultimately, this trust can serve as the foundation for rewarding relationships with others.
2. You’ll be able to show compassion toward others.
Responsibility and empathy often go hand in hand, and perhaps it’s easy to understand why.
A responsible individual cares about others and will do what it takes to support his or her friends and family members; comparatively, an empathetic individual is able to take a walk in another person’s shoes to better understand his or her perspective and act accordingly.
As a responsible person, you can serve as a reliable shoulder to lean upon for friends and family members in times of need. Thus, you’ll possess the compassion and empathy needed to put others above yourself and assist friends and family members when they require a helping hand.
3. You’ll never have to worry about placing blame on others.
Life may seem unfair at times,but as a responsible individual, you’ll never blame others for problems that arise.
No one ever said the road to success would be easy. And while this path is filled with various challenges and pitfalls, a responsible individual knows how to stay the course without blaming others.In fact, this individual will try to make the best of any situation and deal with each difficulty as it approaches.
When it comes to the blame game, no one ever wins. But those who are responsible will never blame others for problems, and instead, will focus on finding solutions to these issues.
4. You’ll never have to worry about becoming a complainer.
Let’s face it – no one likes a complainer, a.k.a someone who brings negativity to everyday interactions with others.
Although complainers are present just about everywhere, you’ll never have to worry about becoming a complainer if you try to become more responsible.
Responsible people understand that life can be tough at times but will try to find the positive signs in a negative situation. They truly are a rare breed, and as such, can even help others tune out the negative comments from complainers.
5. You can recognize when circumstances stretch beyond your control.
We’re only human, and there are times when circumstances extend beyond our control. A responsible person recognizes this and tries to control only what he or she can on a day-to-day basis.
The world can be stressful and exhausting, particularly for those who try to manage circumstances they simply cannot control. On the other hand, responsible people often remain calm, cool, and collected in even the most high-stress situations, as they understand what it takes to control what they can at all times.
6. You can discover the best ways to multi-task.
Responsibility and procrastination serve as polar opposites. Moreover, responsible people usually establish schedules, set priorities, and create goals to ensure they can discover the best ways to multi-task day after day.
Checklists are exceedingly popular among those who want to become more responsible as well. These lists can make it easier for anyone to stay on track. Plus, any time a list item is finished, you can feel a sense of accomplishment as you check off or cross out a completed task.
7. You’ll be able to become a leader that others can count on consistently.
Responsibility is a privilege, not a right. As a result, responsibility is a common trait found in leaders, as these individuals commonly think before they act and focus on the greater good consistently.
In addition, responsible people try to keep things simple and maintain good relationships with others. From arriving at appointments on time to staying late at work to ensure a job is completed successfully, responsible individuals frequently can be counted on to finish any task to the best of their ability.
Starting today, focus on becoming a more responsible person, and you can experience unparalleled personal growth.
The post 7 Reasons to Become a More Responsible Person appeared first on Everyday Power.
Monday, February 25, 2019
Why the new Pixar short film about a stray cat and a pitbull is making people cry
Family finds photo of missing cat online, here is their emotional reunion after two long years
Pentatonix’s version of “Sound Of Silence” is stunning everyone and is now going viral
10 Signs You’re on the Right Path in Life
Have you ever wondered if you’re on the right path in life? I think everyone does at one time or another.
If you think about it, you’ve probably noticed that you don’t spend a lot of time pondering this question when things are going really well.
That’s because there’s a certain sense of ease when you’re heading in the right direction that doesn’t feel like it needs to be questioned. You just go with the flow effortlessly and without hesitation because things just seem to be working out as they should.
Some people describe it as having a sense of just knowing that things are the way they are supposed to be. But even if you’re on the right track, sometimes you may feel like your life is going nowhere, and end up with very little energy and no real motivation in things that you used to be motivated in.
Below are 10 signs that you’re on the right path in life:
How To Tell If You’re on the Right Path – or Not
1. Things start aligning for you.
When you’re on a course that’s taking you where you want and need to be, it can be as if the universe starts sending you what you need to accomplish your goals.
People or events show up to support and further your cause. Required money comes in from a donation or an unexpected source. Things just seem to fall into place and work out.
Oftentimes, it feels like a mere coincidence or even a miracle; and maybe it is, but if you’re experiencing this, why question it?
2. You don’t allow obstacles to stop you.
Being on the right path doesn’t mean everything will automatically and magically fall into place 100 percent of the time. But when obstacles do arise, you’ll often find yourself diving right in and coming up with creative solutions on how to overcome or work around them.
Consider an opposite situation: have you ever been in a miserable job or a horrible, failing relationship that you absolutely KNEW you wanted to leave? Think about how thrilled you’d have been if an opportunity had shown up that provided you with a perfect excuse to make an easy escape.
If you’re on the right path at the right time, obstacles that show up become nothing more than bumps in the road and the idea of giving up won’t feel like the right option. You’ll be driven from within to find another way to make it work so you can continue on towards your dream.
3. You care less than usual about what other people think.
When you’re feeling aligned and in the flow that comes with it, you’ll feel less of a desire to seek the approval of other people. You won’t need to get confirmation as to whether or not what you’re doing is acceptable or right because you’ll already be able to feel it.
While you might still seek opinions, advice or feedback from people you respect, criticism from naysayers will be easier to get over – or to even completely dismiss.
4. You feel motivated, energized, and excited about what you’re doing and where you’re headed.
You’re proud of what you’re doing and you get very excited to talk to others about it. You look forward to waking up in the morning and feel eager to get back to the task. Is this happening for you? Take this as a good sign that you’re doing exactly what you should be doing!
5. Decision-making seems easier when you’re on the right path.
Deciding between two options or what your next best steps should be is often easy (or at least easier ) when you’re on the right track. Even if you’re unaware of it, heading in the right direction and feeling good about it usually means that you’ve tapped into, and are able to access, your intuition.
This allows you to clearly see and feel what will work best for you without an excessive amount of struggle or effort.
6. You lose track of time doing what you’re doing.
When you look up and see that you’ve lost a few hours or more, you can bet what you’re working on is truly in line with your soul’s desires.
Hard work doesn’t feel hard – but rather, it’s exciting, rejuvenating, and energizing. Some people describe themselves as going into a sort of creative trance: losing hours or a whole day when they’re working on something that lights them up and feeds their soul.
7. Your overall “bad stress” levels are low.
Even if you’re required to handle multiple tasks simultaneously, you feel excited and motivated instead of stressed out and overwhelmed.
If you’ve ever been at either end of this spectrum, you can clearly tell the difference. Being in “bad stress” situations take a toll on you, mentally and physically. Whereas being busy and active in something you love, pumps you up and feeds your energy and drive to get things done.
8. Your health seems to support you.
Chronic stress raises the level of cortisol and other hormones in your body that ultimately lead to a weakened immune system. Studies link stress to digestive disorders, headaches, insomnia, depression, and anxiety.
This makes it easy to understand how the reverse would also be true: a reduced stress level means a healthier immune system and a stronger ability to fight off illness and disease. Thus, leading to feeling healthy, strong, and ready to find the right path in life.
9. There’s no need to compromise your morals or beliefs.
When you’re choosing the right path in life for you and your soul, you won’t feel like you’re selling out, or doing things that you’ll later have to apologize for or regret. When you can stand in confidence about your decisions and actions, without having to make excuses, you know you’re heading in the right direction.
10. Working hard towards your goals may make you tired but not depleted.
A key way to determine if your actions align with your soul’s purpose is to check in with how you feel after a long stint of working. When forging down a path of alignment, you may feel tired at the end of the hour, day or week, and that’s okay! Being a woman or man on a mission requires a LOT of mental and physical energy and we all need to rest.
On the contrary, if you’re out of sync with who you are, you’ll often come away feeling depleted and exhausted. It’s as if you have to force yourself to keep going.
Are You on the Right Path?
Ultimately, deciding which path to take, and whether it’s right for you, is something only YOU can determine. There isn’t necessarily only one right path for each individual as many roads may lead to the same destination.
Circumstances and direction can change along the way and there’s certainly NO rule that says you have to stay locked into any particular course of action. The important thing to remember is that, if you notice you’re questioning whether or not you’re on the right path, the fact that you’re asking might be a good indication that a change is needed.
Take a step back and assess the situation. Then, figure out what doesn’t feel right and tweak wherever necessary. Remember: you can check back in with these signs to evaluate how your new direction is going at any time along the way.
Good luck!
The post 10 Signs You’re on the Right Path in Life appeared first on Everyday Power.
Sunday, February 24, 2019
Principal scolds parents for taking kids on vacation, dad writes epic response that’s going viral
Christina Aguilera gives these customers the ultimate surprise with epic donut shop prank
Christina Aguilera stuns donut store customers in hilarious prank, watch their epic reactions
Mom asks noisy teens to be quiet in movie theater – later, finds out their parent is looking for her
Saturday, February 23, 2019
Firefighters promptly went to Lowe’s after elderly woman accidentally called for their help
High school boy with autism named homecoming king by classmates, his reaction wins the internet
Woman becomes first openly person with autism admitted to Florida bar
Today my daughter changed her profile picture, soon after I get a text message
Firefighters buy an elderly woman a microwave so she can heat up her frozen meals
This winery in Germany lets you stay overnight in a wine barrel
Friday, February 22, 2019
Students name classmate with autism the homecoming king, go wild when he busts out dance moves
This 2-year-old deaf girl loves people — so her whole neighborhood is learning sign language
Science explains what happens to your body when you do planks every day
89-year-old woman has knitted 450 blankets and sweaters for shelter dogs
How to Know If You’re Making the Right Decision
Not sure if you’re making the right decisions in your life? Below are some tell-tale signs that you’ve chosen the right path.
Life is filled with decisions. Every moment of every day we are making different choices. We choose what we wear every day, what we eat, and what we say.
When making the simple decisions in life we find it easy to recognize when we’ve made the right or wrong one.
Say you chose to wear a dress to work one day. Then, you step outside and it’s freezing out. You know you made the wrong decision.
You decide to tell your co-worker what you think of their new haircut. They smile and thank you. Congratulations- you made the right decision.
The immediate response from the environment around you serves as the indicator for whether or not you made the right or wrong decision.
How to Know When You’re Making the Right Decision- 4 Tell-Tale Signs
What about those big decisions? Ending or beginning a relationship, starting a new career or quitting your job all together, or starting a family. How do we know if we make the right choice in these situations?
My first thought is to say that you can’t know if they’re right unless you can tell the future. Until the other day when something happened that made me realize that the big decision I recently made was most definitely the right one.
Recently I made the frightening decision to quit my job. Why is this so frightening? Because I do not have anything solid lined up to go to next.
I’m also currently living in California, on the complete other side of the country from my family and friends, meaning I have to move my entire life cross-country for the second time in the past 6 months.
Every time I think about that I feel like a train wreck and wonder if I’m making the right choice. Until I go to work, go through the motions, come home, and pray that time goes fast until it’s time to go to sleep because I just want every day to end.
I’m here to share with you the 4 signs that showed me that I made the right decision.
Enjoyment is No Longer Enjoyable
We were running an event at work the other day that was a huge success. Normally this would make me very excited and think “this is why I do what I do.” This time was different. That thought never crossed my mind. I just kept waiting for the day to be over even though I was doing something that would normally fuel my fire.
Maybe your dates with your significant other that you normally look forward to are started to seem like a chore. This is one sign that ending the relationship was the right thing to do.
Or maybe you’re on the other side of things and you are no longer enjoying your time alone. Asking that girl on a date was the right thing to do.
Excitement Turned into Exhaustion
Let’s keep this one simple. If you have found that you are exhausted from having to “get excited” to go to work, hang out with your significant other, or any other daily activity that should bring you joy and you’ve decided to stop that cycle, then you’ve made the right decision.
Uncertainty Does Not Trigger Anxiety
To leave a solid situation without setting the foundation for my next step is completely out of character for me. However, the uncertainty of what is to come next does not give me a constant pit in my stomach. Yes, I have my freak-out moments, but those are very fleeting.
Instead I experience more comfort in the fact that what’s next is up to me- and it’s anything but what I’m currently doing.
When the thought of staying in your current situation brings you more anxiety than the thought of removing yourself from that state, you know you’ve made the right decision.
It Just Doesn’t Make Sense Anymore
When making any decision, I like to align it with my top three priorities: health, relationships, and career. If taking on a new task or starting a relationship would compromise my health, jeopardize any other relationships I had, (friends, family,etc) or deter me from my career goals I would not commit.
What are yours? If where you are now in life does not enhance your priorities, or worse, compromises them and you have taken the steps to remove yourself from your situation, then you know you’ve made the right decision.
You Did it Because you Wanted to
Not because you thought it was what you “should do.” Not because you felt that it was morally right. Simply because you felt in your heart that this was what you needed to do to be happy.
Are you fully happy with your life? What big decisions have you made lately? If you haven’t made any kind of change, take a chance to move closer to your happiness. I can guarantee you that once you do, you will see these signs appear in your life as well.
The post How to Know If You’re Making the Right Decision appeared first on Everyday Power.
Thursday, February 21, 2019
92-yr-old calls cops about thief but when cops arrive they can’t ignore his unsafe living condition
How a Surgeon Fixed This Woman’s ‘Mommy Pouch’
Teen shares emotional cancer journey with a message of hope: ‘Never Take Life For Granted’
Surgeon helped in woman’s incredible transformation by fixing her ‘mommy pouch’
Parents asked grandpa to babysit son while away and started getting priceless memes
Dad asks his 7-year-old son to be his ‘Best Man’ not knowing he’d bring audience to tears
Science Proves These Are the Most Effective Motivators
Discover how to get motivated and create a consistent drive for high performance.
You know that even if you set the right goal, create a great strategy, make a step-by-step plan, and are ready to work on this in the long term until you see results; ONE other factor seems to be the biggest obstacle at some point.
Without this burning desire to persevere, without having a strong mindset that keeps you going even when everything seems to be falling apart, that momentum and ambition that often make you look obsessed with your goals in the eyes of others – if you can’t get motivated, you can’t succeed.
Motivation is one of the most important steps to reaching any goal. So when you’re preparing your plan and yourself for the journey, consider that too.
Let’s see what the top motivators are according to science, so you can skyrocket your success the next time you chase something big:
1) Being around high achievers and hard workers.
Environment affects you in more than one way. The people you spend time with daily are a big part of it.
So instead of choosing average ones who aren’t ambitious or goal setters, it’s much better to surround yourself with anyone who’s making things happen, thinking big and aiming higher than the rest. That will help you get motivated to do the same.
This is backed by science. Although used to see how a virtual partner will increase people’s motivation to exercise, it applies to real life and people, too.
It’s worth making friends with people who can inspire you. Find the most successful individuals in your surroundings, and be around them as much as possible.
2) Get motivated by using incentives.
In the workplace, incentive programs (i.e. managers encourage employees to do their best by offering them something in return, and thus motivate them to be more efficient and help reach the company goals sooner) work wonders.
In other words, every time you succeed, you are rewarded for your hard work. A new study shows that incentives at work boost employee performance.
Some companies have become pretty creative with this and the results are amazing. Here are some good examples:
- arriving at work whenever you want to,
- the option to work from home one day of the workweek,
- having a party if a monthly revenue goal is reached,
- more days off for those who get things done faster,
- earning recognition when landing a new client,
- receiving a bonus when being available during holidays, etc.
You can get motivated from this approach with your personal goals, too. Use a point-based system to track your progress, for example, and plan a nice date or something you enjoy when a milestone is reached.
Or you may limit your expenses now, and only allow yourself to go shopping or order something in particular that you’ve been thinking about for a long time when you’ve been consistent with a goal or a new habit for at least two weeks.
3) Have competition.
In a world where the word ‘hustle’ is so popular, where everyone is comparing their life to the life of others, where social media is all about showing who’s enjoying life more, competition is still a good thing.
In fact, researchers from the University of Pennsylvania found that it’s even stronger than being supported by friends. In their study, the group of people that was competition-motivated outperformed the rest.
Looking for additional motivation outside of family and friends? Get motivated to work hard and long enough by finding competition and thus, challenging yourself.
4) Write it down and decide to succeed.
According to the British Journal of Health Psychology, more than 90 percent of the people involved in a research stuck to their intention after writing it down in details.
This group of people was the ‘intention group’. What they were specifically asked to do in the beginning (we’re talking about fitness goals here again), was to write down ONE powerful sentence. In it, they needed to state that they will work out regularly, but to also say when, how often, and where.
Turns out that specific details, especially when written down, are better internalized by the brain and turn into a decision we take that will keep us focused and motivated until we actually do what we need to.
Yes, tracking is powerful and it’s encouraged during the process of setting and going after your goals. But to take this to the next level, have an intention to take specific actions and give it an estimated time frame. Then, write it down.
Are you ready to get motivated today?
If you haven’t achieved any of your big goals in life up to this point, maybe one of these four findings will help you this time.
Innovation is important for personal development. You simply cannot do the same old things you’ve always been doing and expect different results. So now that you’ve got science-backed approaches you haven’t tried yet, things can finally take another direction.
Motivation is powerful. It always comes from the inside and, in the end, you’re the one who’s responsible for how far you’ll get. But there are also outer factors, like other people, environment, material stuff, that you can use to your advantage.
Knowing this, what’s the next thing you’ll try to get motivated at?
The post Science Proves These Are the Most Effective Motivators appeared first on Everyday Power.
Wednesday, February 20, 2019
Vet wounded in combat receives mortgage-free smart home from Gary Sinise Foundation
5 Things No One Tells You About Adulting
Adult life gets to us eventually. We may put it off for a bit later, but then it will just hit us all at once. So denial is not an option.
We must embrace reality instead, with all its huge transformations, expectations, conventional wisdom, and the things we need to do that we really don’t feel like doing.
Here are some things no one talks about, but which we all realize one way or another.
What No One Tells You About Adult Life
1. You can’t have it all.
Many people strive for success in everything. They want to have it all, to have it now, and to be better than others.
But all that doesn’t create a happy, fulfilling life. It becomes a constant competition, a quest to get more out of life without giving anything back.
So it’s better if you accept the truth now: you can’t have it all.
But before you make a sad face, here’s something else: you also don’t need to have it all.
You see, not everything we think we want can make us happy and successful. Not every skill will come naturally to us, not every career will be the right fit for us.
2. You need to be selective.
Another difficult to grasp but super important thing to know, is that our time is limited. Basically, every second we’re getting closer to the end of our lives.
And, again, there are two ways to look at this. We can either get depressed about it, or start living life to the fullest.
Now that you know that, you’ll need to be more selective with your time. Don’t invest it in unproductive and meaningless activities. Remove some of the things on your to-do list that don’t really need to get done. And stop spending time with people who don’t respect you for who you are.
At any moment we’re making a choice. There are many things we can do, but what we decide to dedicate our precious time to must be pretty important.
3. Other people’s opinion doesn’t really matter.
You will be judged and criticized more than you’d want. And if you let it get to you, you’ll fail at achieving your goals in life.
But guess what? Other people have nothing to do with that. The sooner you stop caring what others think about you, the better.
It’s your journey to take, so you’re allowed to make as many mistakes as you want, to try new, extraordinary things, to act on a whim, and so on.
Another crucial thing to keep in mind when entering adult life, is that by judging you other people are actually showing deeper issues and insecurities of their own.
Everyone’s fighting a battle. Knowing that can help you show compassion to them, instead of getting angry or answer with judgment too.
4. The only failure is giving up.
If you’re after something in your life, you’ll fail. A lot. If you don’t, it means you’re not taking any action and moving forward.
But none of these mistakes are bad. Each is teaching you what doesn’t work so that you can go try something else instead. And after each, you’re more experienced, wiser and better prepared. That makes you stronger too.
There’s only one type of failure, it’s the only thing that’s tragic about the human soul and which we can accept as a defeat. That’s giving up.
Once you get to that point, it means you don’t believe in yourself, are tired of challenging yourself, are out of hope and faith, and choose the easier option – to just not try again.
That’s one of the saddest things an adult can do. It’s bad for everyone else around you too.
So make sure you don’t get there. Always remember that every successful person in history and of today has more failures than successes. But we rarely hear about the mistakes he made on the way.
If you truly understand that, you can live your life courageously, adventurously and with a sense of pride and accomplishment on every step.
5. Opportunities are everywhere.
Many adults aren’t satisfied with their life. They don’t have what they want and blame life for not giving them enough opportunities to get it.
But knowing this one thing about them, I can say they make many other excuses every day as to why they can’t change their life. They also blame outer factors about the things they don’t have and never take the responsibility for what happens to them.
Such people find comfort in anything else but action. They often overthink a situation, but don’t get out there and fight for what they believe in. They also don’t ask for what they want, don’t speak up, don’t try new approaches, etc.
Don’t be like that.
Instead, open your eyes for the countless opportunities that present themselves to you daily. Life gives us plenty of them, but it’s our job to notice them and take action.
So instead of wishing for things to be different, start doing your research, talk to people who’ve already achieved what you’re after, get a new job, end your current relationship, move to another place, start an online business, and so on.
Just do something you haven’t done yet. Then, make sure you make the most of the opportunities on the way.
Now that you know these 5 facts about adult life, you can live it differently.
What else is there that no one tells us about?
The post 5 Things No One Tells You About Adulting appeared first on Everyday Power.
Tuesday, February 19, 2019
Country star Luke Bryan and wife adopt senior dog that previous owner left at the pound
Oral pill might one day replace insulin injection in the treatment of diabetes : ‘Less Painful’
How a Mindful Smile Improves Your Happiness and Health
Babies smile – a lot. Beauty queens smile – on cue. Winners smile – most of the time, in between all that jumping and high-fiving. Smiles are a way of expressing our happiness, our joy, our pride, our gratitude.
More than that, smiles are a way of connecting, of saying – without words – ‘I’m with you on this, I acknowledge you as a fellow human, or as a delightful animal, or a beautiful flower; someone or something I’m in sync with’.
All this you already know. But did you know that smiles are really good for your health and well-being?
What a Smile Does To Your Health
One research by Hewlett Packard used electromagnetic brain scans and heart-rate monitors to measure the “mood-boosting values” for a variety of stimuli including sex, chocolate, and money.
Their findings are astounding: one single solitary smile can provide the same level of mood-enhancement as up to 2,000 chocolate bars, as stimulating as getting up to 16,000 pounds sterling (roughly $20,000), and smiles are more likely to produce a better short-term high than either sex or shopping!
So if your credit cards are maxing out – try smiling! If you’re too hooked on chocolate – find something or someone to elicit a smile from you! Dogs always work for me. Of course so do flowers, sunsets, and Carol Burnett re-runs.
But here’s the thing. We’re not talking New Age feel-good stuff here. Smiling has well-documented physiological impact on your mind and body. For example, neurotransmitters relay messages to your body on how to respond and react, given various situations.
Dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin, known as the “feel-good” neurotransmitters, are all released from your brain into your body when you smile. Not only do these neurotransmitters relax you, and make you feel better emotionally, but they can also lower your heart rate and blood pressure – two significant contributors to your physical well-being. The very act of smiling makes us feel better, all around.
Children smile way more than adults do – the number most commonly given is 400 times a day. This is compared to the happy adults who smile 40-50 times per day, and average adults who smile 20 times per day.
Now you may say, well, kids have less worries; and thus have a lot more to smile about. True. But just like anything else, you can get better at smiling with practice.
Smile More Mindfully
No, I don’t mean to affix a phony smile to your face. You can’t fool your brain; it knows the difference between the real thing and a fake. Rather, I mean to become more conscious about the many opportunities to be happy about that you may let go by unnoticed.
You might think of it as smiling-mindfulness. Because that’s really what it is. Becoming more mindful of occasions that – for you – genuinely merit a smile, and allowing yourself to indulge in that very life-enhancing act.
For example, the barista hands you your coffee. Add a smile to your “thanks.” As a matter of course, any time you say “thanks” or “thank you,” add a smile! That includes when you thank spouses, significant others, children, and other family members: too often we forget to smile at those closest to us.
Or, the sky is dotted with little puffy clouds, a sight which pleases you: smile. Someone’s yard is awash in white roses, your fave: smile. The traffic eased up: smile!
There are a gazillion opportunities to smile each and every day.
You may never make it up to the children’s’ 400-smiles-per-day mark. But for sure, your body and mind will most decidedly benefit from this change. What could be better?
The post How a Mindful Smile Improves Your Happiness and Health appeared first on Everyday Power.
10 Medgar Evers Quotes Celebrating the Fight for Civil Rights
These Medgar Evers quotes will help you find the courage to stand up for what you believe in.
Medgar Wiley Evers was an African American civil rights activist and a World War II veteran. He served as the first state field secretary of the NAACP in Mississippi, where he worked for changes in the segregated society.
Born on July 2, 1925, in Decatur, Mississippi, Evers was drafted into the U.S. Army in 1943 and fought in both France and Germany during World War II. He went on to enroll at Alcorn State University in 1948, where he majored in business administration.
Evers became active in the Civil Rights Movement in the 1950s. He fought racial injustices in many forms, including working to end the segregation of public facilities and helping expand opportunities for African Americans.
On June 12, 1963, Evers was assassinated outside of his Mississippi home. He will always be remembered as one of the most impassioned activists and visionaries for equality.
In honor of the slain activist, below is our collection of inspirational and powerful Medgar Evers quotes.
Medgar Evers quotes celebrating the fight for civil rights
1.) “As long as God gives me strength to work and try to make things real for my children, I’m going to work for it – even if it means making the ultimate sacrifice.” – Medgar Evers
2.) “When you hate, the only person that suffers is you because most of the people you hate don’t know it and the rest don’t care.” – Medgar Evers
3.) “The gifts of God should be enjoyed by all citizens in Mississippi.” – Medgar Evers
4.) “In the racial picture things will never be as they once were. History has reached a turning point, here and over the world.” – Medgar Evers
5.) “You can kill a man but you can’t kill an idea.” – Medgar Evers
Powerful and inspirational Medgar Evers quotes
6.) “Freedom has never been free.” – Medgar Evers
7.) “I was born in Decatur, was raised there, but I never in my life was permitted to vote there.” – Medgar Evers
8.) “I love my children and I love my wife with all my heart. And I would die, die gladly, if that would make a better life for them.” – Medgar Evers
9.) “I’m looking to be shot any time I step out of my car… If I die, it will be in a good cause. I’ve been fighting for America just as much as the soldiers in Vietnam.” – Medgar Evers
10.) “If you hurt someone then you are hurting other people, and you will feel guilty about what you did.” – Medgar Evers
Which of these Medgar Evers quotes was your favorite?
Evers was one of Mississippi’s most prominent civil rights activists. He fought for economic opportunity, voting rights, access to public facilities, and other changes in the segregated society.
Despite knowing that his civil rights work could get him killed, Medgar Evers had the courage to keep fighting so that others might live in freedom. Hopefully, the above quotes will inspire you to stand for what you believe in; regardless of circumstance.
Did you enjoy these Medgar Evers quotes? Which of the quotes was your favorite? Let us know in the comment section below.
The post 10 Medgar Evers Quotes Celebrating the Fight for Civil Rights appeared first on Everyday Power.
Monday, February 18, 2019
A single mother built this beautiful tiny sanctuary after losing her house in divorce
Ultra rare black leopard is photographed for the first time in 100 years in Africa
Friday, February 15, 2019
How your mental health reaps the benefits of exercise
Watch: Husband picks the perfect way to return his wife’s wedding ring missing for years
Teen wins ‘The Biggest Loser’ — 11 years later, he’s a hunky firefighter that changed his life
She lost her wedding ring 15 years ago, husband found it and returned it in the best way
This teacher fixing his student’s hair in gym class is warming the hearts of millions
How your mental health reaps the benefits of your body’s natural feel-good hormones when you exercise
5 Reasons You Need to Get Rid of All Your Negative Friends
Negativity will spoil the relationship between friends in such a way that they will not want to be around, talk to, or even engage with one another. Negative friends can rob you of happiness, peace of mind, and the ability to progress towards your greatest potential.
Negativity amongst friends does NOT strengthen the friendship. On the contrary, it has the greatest potential to do more harm than good!
Here are five core reasons why you should get rid of all of your negative friends – ASAP!
1) Negative friends are draining.
Have you ever thought negatively when you were around your negative friends? Have you ever tried to avoid conversations with them because they were too pessimistic?
I am sure the answers to these two questions are both an absolute YES! Oftentimes, negative people become draining because it takes a lot of time and effort to “deal” with what is going on in the negative person’s life.
You are caught up in the drama! You have to be present and available for someone who is zapping the energy out of your mind and your spirit. This brings you down in such a way that you become depleted. Remember: it is important to be around people who empower you and “pour into you”.
What is meant by a person ‘pouring into you’? These people have the ability to encourage you when you are down and allow you to see the light at the end of the tunnel. They also recognize that you can reach that light.
If you are the only one in the friendship that is doing this, then you become depleted. Your energy is sabotaged, your sanity may be affected, and your ‘wholeness’ can be compromised as well.
2) Negative friends do not have your best interest in mind.
In the grand scope of things, friendships are not created to bring you down.
Friendships are created to empower you and take you to your next level. Many motivational speakers inform their audiences to find people with the same mindset as you.
This is because they will hold you accountable, they will build you up, they will empower you to be great, and they will do what is necessary to get you to your next level.
Negative friends have no regard for your best interest. They are sucking the energy out of you by “needing” your help, to such a point that they are not concerned about what you may be experiencing at the time.
They only have a desire to be heard. If you are the “listening ear” every time they have something going on in their life, if your friends are always speaking negatively, if they are always concerned about the detriment of others, then they do NOT have others or your best interest in mind.
The only concern for anything is for them and not anyone else. You definitely need to get rid of this type of person!
3) Negative friends do NOT want you to be successful.
Have you ever heard the following questions/statements?
1) Are you sure you want to do that (doubt)?
2) I don’t think that’s a good idea (fear).
3) What about me (selfishness)?
If you have heard these questions and statements before, this has nothing to do with you and your success. That negative friend who is not encouraging you towards success has no desire for you to be successful.
They will want to include themselves in YOUR plans. They seem to not understand that you are their friend and that they should be empowering you – NOT attempting to include themselves in your plans. It is important to note that friends who do not see themselves in your plans may become negative because they fear they are being left out.
With this in mind, they do not have a desire for you to be successful because YOUR success has nothing to do with them. The main fear of negative friends is that they will be “left behind”. If you have these kinds of people, who do not seem to want you to be successful, it is time for you to leave the friendship!
4) Misery loves company.
This is one of the most popular sayings ever heard and also one of the truest! Negative people want to be surrounded by other negative people.
There are two main reasons why you must NOT be around your negative friends when you are striving for success:
A) The misery that your friend is ‘putting out’ can rob you of your positivity. There can be times where the negativity can be so infectious to the point that you start doubting yourself and your abilities. With this in mind, if you have negative friends, they will actually encourage you to STOP pursuing your goals.
B) Your mind has to be open to instruction when you are geared towards success. When you are bombarded by a negative friend’s conversation, you begin to be closed, guarded, and the people who you need to trust will not be trusted. This is due to doubt. It is important to note that doubt happens across settings.
This means that if you have issues with trust because of the negative mindset of your friends, you will not trust people in the professional world who are there to help you to your next level.
You CANNOT compromise your goals for these negative friends who really want to see your failure. GET RID OF THEM!!!
5) Your potential to be great is at risk.
When you are on a path to success and you have a desire to be greater than what you are now, you must remember that negative friends can rob you of that chance!
Negativity is contagious. Negativity can take the place of the greatness that you are destined to have. Do not allow this! You have the right to be GREAT.
If anyone is conflicting with your positivity with their negative thoughts, actions, and personality, you should let them go. Negativity and positivity are like oil and water: It does not mix! You cannot be a positive person with negative friends. It just doesn’t work.
Your potential is at stake when you have surrounded yourself with negative people who are NOT actually concerned about your success. A negative person does not have the appropriate mindset for success. You need to align yourself with like-minded folks who can encourage and empower you to the level of success that you desire.
~
Be careful of the company you keep
By engaging in conversations and activities with negative people, you are compromising the potential that you desire. Do NOT allow them to derail you from the path of success. It is important to be around people who will encourage you, as well as hold you accountable.
If you have friends who are always draining your energy with their negative behaviors, conversations, and actions, you MUST get rid of them ASAP. Your life, success, potential, and sanity are all at stake!
The post 5 Reasons You Need to Get Rid of All Your Negative Friends appeared first on Everyday Power.
Thursday, February 14, 2019
How to Love Yourself Unconditionally
To love yourself unconditionally is a seriously misunderstood concept. Before learning how to make it happen, you first need to understand what it doesn’t mean.
It is NOT thinking that you’re perfect, absolutely wonderful, and should always be adored. It doesn’t involve accepting everything you think, feel, or do as okay. It doesn’t mean ignoring or being in denial about your flaws.
Not to sound simplistic, but all it means is to avoid putting pre-conditions or limits on loving, valuing, and accepting yourself. Don’t tell yourself, “I will love myself when I’m thin, smart, rich, married, a success, or a winner.”
Don’t decide that you’ll love yourself unconditionally tomorrow. But that you’ll do it right now, this minute.
Why you should love yourself unconditionally
Conditional and unconditional love has necessary evolutionary functions. Because infants and children are not always likeable, the love we feel for them must be unconditional so that we’ll care for them and keep the species from dying out.
Humans wouldn’t have survived very long if we stopped loving children because they did upsetting things.
Of course, we cannot go on loving children unconditionally as they grow into adults without also shaping them in such a way that they can function well in society. Humane qualities need to be reinforced, while inhumane behaviors extinguished.
It’s tricky business continuing to love children unconditionally, while also managing to transform their inappropriate behaviors into appropriate ones. We need to show a kind of love that will help them see themselves in this same way.
Love yourself unconditionally: What is self-love?
Having self-love involves having warm, positive, worthwhile, caring feelings toward yourself. It’s about valuing your specialness, NOT because you’re superior to other people, but because there never will be another person quite like you on the planet.
Your uniqueness comes from your being to make you a one-of-a-kind item. Self-love means believing in your worth even when you make mistakes, fail, or do a half-assed job at something.
As a psychotherapist, I’ve noticed over the decades how difficult it is for clients to wrap their minds around this concept.
Most people feel that in order to be lovable, they must achieve or excel at something. They insist that they can’t love themselves or that others won’t love them, unless (or until) a better version of themselves comes along.
How do you develop unconditional self-love?
If you grew up being mistreated, neglected, or not well-loved, you may not feel lovable today. If so, you were raised by people who didn’t love themselves enough and couldn’t love you any better than they did. So you’ve come to see yourself through their eyes.
I often test clients’ feelings about themselves by asking: “Do you love yourself?” Those who love themselves usually look at me as if I have two heads. “Of course I do,” they tell me, then roll their eyes.
On the other hand, people who fail at loving themselves generally pause before answering, then utter something like, “Well, I think so,” “I’m trying to,” or “I know I should, but….” Anything but a resounding, ‘yes’.
They fail the test because to be emotionally healthy, self-love needs to be so ingrained that we don’t think about it; we just know it’s there. It’s like breathing. You don’t have to be aware of it to do it. It should be an automatic response that you love yourself unconditionally.
What are ways to develop self-love?
I remember a friend who had affirmations about loving herself plastered all over her bathroom. I mean, a person sitting on the toilet was faced with a shelving unit covered in sayings about self-love.
As a therapist, I thought sadly at how unloving my friend must feel toward herself to need all that inspiration and encouragement.
Of course, this was the decade of affirmations and visualizations as the path to self-enlightenment and self-love. I never for a minute bought this notion (and I still don’t).
We certainly internalized positive feelings as children when our parents treated us well and told us they loved us. But if we missed out on that or we never had the opportunity to adopt self-loving feelings during childhood, we can’t simply assume that hearing or reading that we’re lovable (no matter how often it’s repeated) will make us feel that way now.
In fact, I believe that if you want to love yourself unconditionally, you need to go out on a limb and just do it. I believe self-love is just that: an irrevocable decision. You decide that either you’re going to love yourself or not, that you’re lovable in spite of your flaws.
This can be a difficult concept to grasp. When I presented it to one client, she laughed and said that it would be easier for her to believe that aliens lived among us than that she was lovable.
Another client started to cry when I suggested that loving herself was nothing more than a decision. She insisted that she desperately wished to love herself unconditionally, but never could because she was terrified that she might be wrong to feel that way, and that would hurt too much.
Comparing ourselves to others
I often ask clients if they think that other people are lovable – and they usually agree. Then I ask if that means that these folks are high achievers and exceptionally wonderful people – they disagree. My next question though, is always the same:
“So does that mean that everyone else in the world is lovable and should possess unconditional self-love except for you?”
“So, 7,299,999,999 people are lovable, but you’re not. All those people can have flaws and still love themselves unconditionally, but not you. Do I have that right?”
This usually swings them around to see my point: That other people behave badly, hurt others, harm themselves, are imperfect, yet still recognize themselves as lovable and worthy of love. Our faults are part of being human. Thus, you have no real reason NOT to love yourself unconditionally.
What works in learning to love yourself unconditionally
I don’t believe that affirmations or visualizations will teach you how to love yourself unconditionally. Nor is having others tell you repeatedly how lovable you are. They might help some – but they won’t turn the wagon around.
What works is to change YOUR belief that you must be something other than exactly what you are to love yourself. Psychology calls this framing. You get to stay your imperfect self, but love yourself unconditionally anyway.
You can still practice becoming a better person, not in order to love yourself more, but because you simply believe that you would be happier by having fewer faults. Although you know you will never get rid of them all, you do your best because it will make you proud of yourself.
You believe it will improve your chances of success, love, happiness, and having more satisfying, meaningful relationships. That kind of self-regard needs to stay steady whether you improve or not.
Paradoxical? Yes. Impossible? No.
Anyone who’s read my books or blogs knows that I’m a firm believer in the concept of ‘good enough’. Just being born gives you the right to be loved. You don’t need to do or be anything else to qualify.
Take a chance on loving yourself in the same way you’ve taken chances on loving other people who weren’t perfect. What you’ll find is that, when you love yourself unconditionally, you’ll become the improved version of yourself you’ve always wanted to be.
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